Fifth Wave Leadership- Articles

"The New Normal - Unending Unpredictability"

2011-10-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

For a number of years now, I've heard people talking about how unpredictablebusiness has become; with the implied assumption that one of these days, theunpredictability will finally end, or at least, level off, and we'll return toa generally predictable environment. Well, from everything I see andexperience, that ain't ever going to happen. Unpredictability is here tostay, and the implications are sobering.

First and foremost, is the fact that we have unequivocally entered the Ageof Self-Doubt. I have never, in my professional life, worked with andencountered so many talented, highly skilled, and successful people, who arehaunted by self-doubt. People, who prior to these times, made onedecision after another, with a great sense of clarity and certainty, nowsecond-guessing almost everything they do.

Everyone, at times, has some doubts; but now the experience seems to havebecome endemic and epidemic. It has become a part of our daily lives andour ongoing personal and professional experiences. So how do we deal withand come to terms with it? First, we need to realize that we are notalone with this feeling. It is shared by all of us, and has become a partof the global consciousness.

Second, we need to look at and assess our inventory of life skills todetermine what personal assets we have that will help us do well and flourishin this environment, and what deficits we're going to have to work on. Interms of the skills, here are some of the most important:
We need (and we need to surround ourselves with) people who can live in andperform in, the moment. We can no longer accommodate colleagues who livein the past, or are always anticipating the future. This requires theability to grieve well – to be able to say goodbye to what we used to do, andwho we used to be – and the ability to realistically assess the present andcome to terms with what it is, not what we'd like it to be. In otherwords, we need to give up our "hope trips."

We need to be life-long learners and come to terms with the fact that we'llnever be "finished' with working on ourselves. To be able to dothis, we need to be open to feedback, and open to constantly increasing ourself-information. One of the things we need to stop doing is to defendour position, and act like we're on trial. We need to get a lot better atlistening to the feedback we get about who we are; and to ask ourselves if whatwe're hearing makes sense, and how we can use it to improve ourselves.

We need to develop an emotional compass that allows us to stay centered andfocused, in the face of ambiguity, uncertainty, and unpredictability. That is, the ability to stay with the task at hand, knowing that there are noguarantees in the near or distant future.

We need to look at our need for control, and our level of trust; and work toestablish the best ratio between the two. In an Age of Self-Doubt, thetemptation to increase control is heightened, and the tendency to lower one'strust is increased. What we need, however, is just the opposite. High control and low trust dramatically inhibits our ability to grow andincreases anxiety and tension. Low control and high trust allows us tomediate in this "new normal," without driving ourselves crazy.

We need to be able to talk about our feelings, in real time. Especially when those feelings are about our worries and concerns. It'shard to convince people (especially business people) that talking about thingsthat worry us, or situations that suck, helps us get through them, and defusesthe anxiety associated with them. We don't need to always fix or changethings that bother us; but we do need to talk about them, in order to feelbetter and get things done again. Complaining is fine; as long as that'snot all you do.

Arleah has a saying in her practice: "You don't need to alwaysget your way; but you do need to always get your say."

We need to talk about and face, with the people closest to us, our doomsdayscenarios. Businesses would get through a lot more of their problems ifthey trusted themselves, when they're facing hard times, to talk about theworst case outcomes. Verbalizing the worst possible outcomes,dramatically decreases the anxiety and tension surrounding them, and frees upan amazing amount of energy tied up in circular worrying. It allows youto identify the really important things in your life, and put the worries inperspective.

A number of years ago, I was talking with a client in southern California,about the challenges he faced in the work he did. We were driving around(in his Rolls Royce) looking at some of the shopping centers he was involvedwith. What he did, was guarantee, through surety bonds, that immenseconstruction projects would be finished by a date certain. If they werenot, he would be on the hook for hundreds of millions of dollars. I askedhim if he had any trouble sleeping at night, knowing how much he was on theline for. He responded, without any hesitation: "I sleep likea baby. I'm worth close to a hundred million. After that, there'sno more to get out of me. The worst thing that can happen is that I endup poor. I'll live through it."
I have never forgotten his words. Arleah and I often talk about wherewe started our journey together. We still remember that we got our firstTV by selling the puppies from one of our dogs first litters. It gives ussome perspective when we get caught up in worrying.

"The Lost Art of Connecting"

2011-07-22T11:02:00.000-07:00

It’sbecome clear to me, these days, that we’ve lost the art of connecting – both inbusiness and in our personal lives. What I mean by “connecting,” is theability to listen to other people’s feelings, understand their importance tothem, and create a direct and impactful link, that shows that you care aboutthem; not simply their problems. Connecting is the art of getting beyondtask management and problem resolution, to the establishment of a relationship,quickly and deeply.

I’vehad two experiences lately that reinforced my belief that connecting has goneout of style. The first involved a hotel stay at a Midwestern propertywhere I was doing some presentations. I had encountered a couple ofproblems during my stay, and had indicated so on the electronic evaluation sentto me. My remarks had obviously been passed on to the hotel assistantmanager, since I received an email asking me to call her, to discuss mytroubled experience.

Icalled her; she answered; and there was silence on the line (after I hadintroduced myself and told her that I was calling in response to her emailabout my survey responses). She said nothing to connect with me, or segueoff of her inquiry or my remarks. I had to literally lead theconversation, or it would have not gone anywhere. Her responses to theproblems I had encountered (keys that didn’t work, and my room vibrating forfive or ten minutes) were without emotion, and mechanical at best. I hadto volunteer the explanations I was given, at the time, and she responded witha tepid apology and a certificate for a free night. She had no particularresponse to the hotel’s dryer shaking rooms all the way up to the third floor,or to the supposed dynamiting at a local quarry, about a half mile from thehotel (the engineer’s explanation). We could just as easily beentalking about the absence of a newspaper at my room door in the morning.

Itwas clear that the only goal she had was to end the conversation, “solve theproblem,” and get rid of me. She could have empathized with how weird itmust have felt to have the whole room vibrating (the TV almost hopped off ofits stand); or how frustrating it must have been to check into the hotel atmidnight, schlep all my stuff up to my room, and be standing in the hallway notbeing able to get in. She did neither. She had no interest in myfeelings, or in salvaging a relationship that was bruised and battered.

Thesecond interaction involved a staff person at the fitness center I use. Iwent to the office of the center to renew my membership and to cancelArleah’s. I sat down at one of the desks and got a shallow, barelyaudible “hello” and then, nothing. I waited a few seconds and then, whenit was apparent that the staff person wasn’t going to say anything, I told herthat I was there to renew one membership and cancel the other one. Shesaid nothing in response to my statement, and pulled out a pad of paper andstarted writing. I asked her if she was going to ask me any questions,like which membership I was renewing, and which one I was canceling. Shedidn’t like my question, got quite defensive, and the rest of our interactionwas infused with a cool, awkward politeness. She never thanked me forrenewing my membership, and she handled the whole interaction with theimpersonalness of buying gum at a convenient store.

Ihad the polar opposite experience at another hotel where I had a meetingscheduled with the general manager (part of a consulting project with a newclient). While I was waiting, at the front desk, for the GM to come over,a young lady behind the counter, asked me what I had around my neck. (Iwear a device that controls the volume and programs for my hearing aids, andlinks them to my cell phone. It’s hard not to notice it, although veryfew people ask me about it.) Her question lead to a discussion andinteraction that was full of information, spontaneity, and shared feelings. In literally minutes, she had engaged me in a dialogue that felt genuine,caring, and reciprocal.

What’sthe difference? Curiosity and risk. No connectedness occurs withouteither one. The problem is that we rarely recruit for curiosity, orreward for risk. Remember, that the greatest risks we take are notfinancial or physical. They involve being honest, direct, and unplannedin relating to others.

Iwas at a political fundraiser a few days ago and was introduced to a couplethat had just arrived. The man was almost immediately pulled away by thecandidate. I had noticed that neither the man nor the woman was wearing awedding ring, so I asked her if they were a “couple.” She could have toldme, right there and then, to buzz off and mind my own business. Instead,my question lead to a rather involved conversation about how difficult it wasfor middle-aged folks to have a committed relationship, without being married,given the tax implications, the social mores, family pressures, etc. Theman joined us shortly, and we all had a fascinating conversation about aging,intimacy, and the changing culture we live in.

Aswe parted, both of them said that this had been one of the most interestingconversations they had had in years, and the gentleman asked if I had abusiness card.

Whenyou’re developing yourself or others, the primary question to always be asking,is – “Am I willing to take the risk of truly engaging with others, and whatwould happen to me if I offend someone?”

What's Your Interpersonal Impact?"

2011-05-25T08:07:00.001-07:00

There are a lot of things that business people learn about and focus on – management, sales, finances, succession. But it is rare for them to pay much attention to their interpersonal impact.What I mean by that is captured in a question that I often ask my clients: “After people meet you for the first time, what do they think about who you are, and how do they feel about you? Do they think you’re pretty smart; not so smart; pretty congenial and friendly; not so approachable; a real professional; or a rank amateur? And do they feel good and positive toward you, and look forward to getting to know you better? Or do they feel like there’s a huge impenetrable wall up that they could never surmount?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, for a couple of reasons. First, because the most recent research on first impressions, is really sobering. According to a number of studies, you have around 118 seconds to make an impression and impact on another person. This applies to both personal and work relationships. That’s not a lot of time. And it certainly blows apart the old homily about how it takes a long time to get to know someone. In our culture, if it does take you a long time to get to know people, you probably won’t know many. You may dislike this shift in the culture at large, and certainly in the business environment, but not paying any attention to it, can limit your opportunities, and your adaptability to changing modes of communicating with people. Just look at what’s happened with webinars. We’ve discovered that most people lose interest in the typically structured webinar, in under a few minutes; and start fiddling with their favorite form of technology, or start daydreaming.

The other reason I’ve been pondering this, springs from a recent encounter I had with a politician in one of our national bodies. We both spoke at a meeting and had some time to interact with each other. Most of the positions he takes I have no problem with. But as a person, I was very put-off and even repulsed. At this point in my life, I’m quite used to political superficiality (someone talking to you, while they’re sizing up the room with their eyes). But this fellow didn’t even make an effort to be superficial. And, in addition, everything about him, non-verbally, reeked of mean-spiritedness. So even though we may be strategically aligned, I wouldn’t vote for him if he were the only person running in a one candidate election. And the saddest thing is, that I’m fairly certain that he is clueless as to his impact on others.

So, I have a question for you. “What do you want to accomplish when you meet with someone?”And I don’t mean, here, tactically or task-wise. I do mean, what kind of person-to-person bridge do you want to build, and what kind of feeling tone do you want to create? You’re already doing this unconsciously and automatically. What I’m suggesting, is that you take conscious charge of this process, identify exactly the impact you’re having on others, and ask yourself if that’s what you want to accomplish. If you’re unclear about the impact you have, ask the most significant people in your personal and work life – they’ll have no problem identifying what it is. If part of your work is developing other people, the greatest gift you can give them, is honest and direct feedback on how they impact you and how you feel about that impact. Nothing else will come close to the value of that kind of information, in helping them grow, develop, and succeed.

2011-04-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

“Is Your Personal Life Screwing Up Your Business?”

On a recent flight, I had a most interesting conversation with my seatmate. (He had a fascinating job – costing out massive infrastructure projects all over the world. He had a unique take on the turmoil in North Africa and the Middle East – that it would be a boon for Western countries because it would create billions of dollars of projects in underdeveloped countries.) We were discussing what each of us did, and at one point, he said, “Business can really screw up your personal life.” In my own inimical fashion, I heard myself saying, “No, you’ve got it backwards. Your personal life can really screw up your business.” He looked kind of quizzical and asked what I meant. I then had to quickly figure out what I did mean. (As I’ve said, on a number of occasions, I don’t plan what I say, very often. It’s almost always what I mean, but I figure it out after its released from my mouth.)

I don’t think, in the last thirty years, that I’ve seen a time in which so many people and so many relationships have melted down, and created crises in the workplace. Well, you might say, look at the economy for the last three years – that’s your answer. That may play a role, but I think that it’s far from the complete answer. I believe that the economy has been a catalyst for personal and interpersonal dysfunction, but not the fundamental cause. I see the economy serving the same role as alcohol for alcoholics. Liquor does not create addicts. Addicts abuse substances (or food, or sex, or people, ad infinitum) to dull their pain. The substance sparks the addiction and helps make it worse. So, I think, does the economy.

For some time now, I’ve become convinced that at least half the population is personally unhappy and unfulfilled, and has chosen personal, intimate relationships that are massive compromises. I don’t mean by this that the relationships are intrinsically bad and beyond hope. I mean that both parties, at some level, have decided that their relationship sucks less than not having one at all. This results in a decision, almost always unconscious, to lower their expectations, put up with what they don’t like or respect in their partner, and toss in the towel on ever getting their emotional (or, often, their physical) needs met. All the lousy economy does, is bring to the surface, serious, unattended to, personal and interpersonal issues that have been well camouflaged by better financial times. As we say in business, profits can hide a multitude of sins.

This shows up, in the workplace, as escalating irritability, passive-aggressive behavior (I’ll tell you what you want to hear, to your face, and then I’ll go off and do whatever the hell I want to), hostile zingers coming out of nowhere, the inability to focus, constantly missing targets and goals, and a poisonous and corrosive cynicism. An important point here: Work does not have the power to create chronic dysfunction and unhappiness. Only our personal lives can do that. Anyone who stays in a lousy, unsatisfying, and mean-spirited job, for an extended period of time, has the same thing at home.

So, what can you do, when you see any of these dysfunctional behaviours? First and foremost, don’t get tactical. It is insulting and patronizing to start telling people to just do some things differently and everything will be fine. It is equally insulting to tell people, directly or indirectly, that they have no reason to feel the way they do. Invalidating people’s feelings, at best, strengthens their resolve to act poorly; or, at worst, creates an escalating hostility, rage, and need for retribution.

Instead, give them feedback about two things: First, how their behaviour impacts you personally. Do not bring in any other people! (Literally or figuratively.) Keep it between you and them. (People stop listening and get more pissed off, when you depersonalize the feedback.) Second, tell them, in the simplest possible language, how their behaviour impacts your desire to have a relationship with them. For example, “When you put down everything we do here, and act like everyone is an idiot, other than you, I want to get away from you as quickly as possible.” Then the most important thing – a question: “Is that what you want to accomplish?”

This almost always leads to a dialogue, the focus of which is that the counter-productive behaviour under discussion is methodically destroying relationships that keep the person connected to the organization. I’ve never met a person who then can’t understand the logical extension of this relationship-killing behaviour. This, you may be thinking, sounds like a threat. That’s because it is. It is intended to begin a process of presenting the person with some tough choices, the first of which is whether he wants to start changing his behaviour, or leave the organization.

The next set of choices involves the person looking at the connections between his poor actions at work and his life outside of work. This is catalyzed by a challenging assignment - “I want you to think about why you act the way you do, and come back and let me know what you discovered. For the purposes of this first discussion, you can’t bring up anything about work. I’ll be glad to listen to suggestions about improving things around here, but only at a later date.”

The last key point. This assignment will typically lead to a discussion of a personal dilemma or problem. Your response is critical, and always in the form of a question: “What do you think your options are, and which one are you going to exercise?” Don’t ever answer the question – “What do you think I should do?” Once you do, you relieve the other person of any responsibility for managing their life; you participate in an informal adoption; and you lay the groundwork for litigation. My response for the last thirty years, has always been the same: “Beats me.”

By the way, up to this point, you have not violated any knee-jerk liberal law about employee privacy, nor are you in danger of the HR police coming after you. The “protected areas” are, ironically, irrelevant to the conundrums people create for themselves, and telling people what to do with their lives is about the most useless and counter-productive thing you can do.
I have had people ask me if this methodology is not tantamount to putting undo pressure on people who are already under immense pressure. My response is – absolutely! I call it, the “Kick’em When They’re Down” theory of change. People only change when the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of staying the same. The best time to initiate change is when the pain trajectory is on the upswing.

If you want to be genuinely helpful to people, the last thing you want to do, is remove the source of pain and discomfort in their life that is driving their dysfunction. You may feel a temporary sense of pride and beneficence, while they slide deeper into their self-destructive and illusory world.

Morrie

High Accountability of Micromanagement

2011-03-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

With superheated competition and a comprehensive examination of everyone and everything in business, these days, the question often asked me is: “How do I know when I’m being a high accountability, very effective manager; or being a micromanaging harasser?” In fact, I just had a conversation about this today, with a good friend and client, Jim Tierney.

Let me answer it this way. Everything of any importance deserves to be monitored. The only question, is how? The high accountability manager, in concert with direct reports, sets specific dates and times for assessing progress on work toward the accomplishment of certain goals. In addition, it is made quite clear, that it is the responsibility of the worker being held accountable, to notify the manager, immediately, of any circumstance that has occurred, that could interfere with the timelines that have been established. It is not the manager’s job to be poking around in anticipation of a failure to achieve results. This poking around, and “checking up,” outside of previously established monitoring meetings, is what I define as micromanagement. (Another good friend and client – Damon Shelly – introduced me to the term “pester management,” which really captures the essence of micromanagement.) It is low trust, disabling, and depreciating. It is assumed, also, that clear consequences for the achievement, or lack of such, have been articulated and understood, by both parties.

Micromanagers do unto others, what was done to them. As soon as the possibility of failing at something looms on the horizon, they are drawn to pestering and harassing, like addicts to meth. The low trust they grew up with kicks in, and it becomes next to impossible to let others struggle, fail, and ultimately, learn. It is important to realize, that micromanagement is the purest form of unlearning. If you want to avoid it, look hard at how you view failing at something, and see what it means to you. Is it an opportunity to learn something new (albeit not a fun experience); or a complete condemnation of who you are as a person? Discovering the answer to this, will prove a lot more fruitful than applying some hackneyed tactics.

"Recruiting Is Back"

2011-02-08T07:23:00.000-08:00

It’s becoming clearer and clearer that the gains realized from the additional productivity of the post-meltdown workforce have been maxed-out. In addition, the culture as a whole has begun to adapt to a smaller and less acquisitive lifestyle and, consequently, the consumer is coming out of the closet, albeit somewhat battered and traumatized, but ready to risk spending again. The combination of these forces is creating a demand for more workers, and for better run, more efficient, more focused, and more competitive businesses. As you look to add more people to your organization, keep the following in mind:

> You will need to recruit people who are capable of doing more than working hard, following orders, and being loyal, in the traditional sense.

> You will need to identify people who like to learn; who are attracted to growth; and who are willing to be developed, personally and professionally.

> Your assessment process will need to be radically transformed and re-done. It will need to focus on who the candidates are; not simply what they’ve done.

> The fulcrum of this new process is the “Deep Dive” interview that zeros in on feeling data, not task data.

> The “Deep Dive” interview is designed to be highly interactive, rich with real-time feedback, challenging, and uncomfortable.

> There will be plenty of people to interview. Most of them will not interest you, primarily because they ceased to interest their former employers.

> We are now living in an “American Idolized” culture. Everyone is a performer and has developed the ability to look good and have the “right” answers. If you don’t drill down, you’ll get snookered (no pun intended).

> You are now interviewing for values match and for specific personal characteristics.

> The traditional behavioral interview, as well as standardized testing, is of very limited value. They lack the challenge, the feedback, and the evocation of bottom-line feelings that give you the data you need to make a decision.

> Don’t tolerate being stonewalled. If most of the answers to your questions are “conversation killers” (monosyllabic, short, clipped responses), confront it right away. Either it changes, or the interview is over.

> Don’t ask open-ended questions. It rewards wandering and undermines your credibility.

> No note-taking during an interview. Neither you nor the candidate. Write down your strongest impressions after the candidate leaves. If you don’t remember anything significant, you either have your answer, or you’re struggling with early dementia.

> Don’t ever let “throw-away” remarks go (i.e. “You know how bosses are …”). They always represent a statement about one’s core values.

> Don’t sell the opportunity. Your style of interviewing should either compel or repel the candidate. Either way, you both win.

> Pay a lot of attention to whether or not the candidate answers the questions you asked. If not, deal with it right there.

> Conducting an interview is like riding an emotional roller coaster. Pay attention to your tummy. Were there more ups or more downs?

> Know your own triggers. What kind of response is likely to cause you to overreact and reach a conclusion that has more to do with you than with the candidate?

> Risk early. Nothing creates trust quicker than honest feelings and feedback from the interviewer, right from the start.

Fear and Loathing at the Water Cooler

2010-11-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

Fear and Loathing at the Water Cooler: 5 Ways to Counter the Recession Related Employee Underground of Anxiety, Aggression, and Shame

If you’ve noticed employees behaving oddly these days, it’s probably not your imagination. Two things are happening with the workforce that are undeniable and that demand different strategies and reactions from business leaders at all levels.

Employees are scared. They’re afraid of their companies failing, of losing their jobs, their homes, and everything they’ve worked long and hard for.

In addition to feeling scared, huge numbers are feeling like failures. With few exceptions, nobody’s hitting their targets (even after multiple re-settings in a downward direction) and they’re constantly reminded of it in meeting after meeting where they’re confronted with embarrassing numbers or given patronizing and hollow pep talks.

How do we know they’re scared? One of two types of behaviors is sweeping through the workplace. Workers are quietly withdrawing to wherever they can hide out – their offices, break rooms, behind computers – seeking safety from any kind of interaction or inquiry. They're placating, obsequious, almost painfully polite.

On the other hand, the amount of childish squabbling and pointless conflict has escalated to baffling proportions. In many companies, the culture has all the feel of a middle-school lunchroom instead of a dynamic place of business. Pettiness predominates, rumor-mongering is epidemic, and triangulation is the rule of the day.

You don't need to be a psychotherapist to figure out what's going on. Our earliest responses to fear are two-fold. First, we go quiet and hope no one notices us. Second, we lash out and try to hurt others. Both are in the service of trying to stay safe.

So what can we do to counter this unacknowledged underground movement? The following strategies have worked for us and many of our colleagues:

Stop using thinking and brain-storming to talk people out of their feelings. Nobody's going to think their way through this floundering economy and workers are not going to be logically disabused of their fears or their feelings of failure.
Start openly talking about reality, from the top of the organization, down to the bottom. The economy stinks; it isn't going to get better soon; it will exact a price from everybody; and it compromises many aspects of our lives. This reduces anxiety and allows people to refocus on productive work.
Start talking (especially with your key people) about what it means to them to be a failure. Does it mean they're worthless and of no value? Does it wipe out everything one does well? Or does it signify a missed opportunity and a lesson (albeit painful) learned? It is crucial, in this discussion, to get on the table the feelings of having disappointed others and of being disappointed in others. This clears a lot of air.
Encourage and reward people acting in counter-intuitive ways. For example, what we're seeing, in numerous sales forces, is a plethora of low-risk sales behaviors. Salespeople are doing everything short of pleading and begging and end up completely emotionally disengaged. Their fears of rejection have reached their zenith and they're desperate and frozen. The only way out of this is to challenge the prospect like never before. Tight money doesn't move without emotion.
Lastly, focus on the skills of your key leaders and ask them (and yourself) the following question: "Of the skills that have made you successful thus far, which fit the current economic climate, and which do not?" Example: An extremely successful sales manager we have worked with has hit the wall in the last six months (along with the salespeople who work for him). His results have been mediocre and getting worse. A portion of this is clearly the economy; but he is well aware that a big chunk is him. He is very smart, very articulate, very "professional" and an astute tactician and problem solver. All of this has produced great results until now. He is also emotionally distant, hard to read, and deflects any attempt to really engage him, with humor.

What he has had to develop is a new skill base involving self-disclosure, transparency, and vulnerability. There's nothing inherently wrong with his historical skill base – it's simply not enough anymore.

Having been through a number of recessions, what we've learned is that good times and high profits not only hide many sins, but also disguise a profound and damaging lack of personal and professional growth. It sometimes takes a challenging economy to show us that 80-90 percent of what has made us successful is also the cap on our future growth.

Six Ways You Sabotage Your Leadership Ability

2010-10-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

With all your credentials your leadership skills should be impeccable. You have an MBA from Harvard or some other prestigious business school. You’ve taken every executive certification program that’s come down the pike. You’ve been trained, coached, counseled and seminar-ed to the point of overload. But somehow, you keep failing as a leader in ways both overt and subtle. The same problems keep cropping up over and over again. And frankly, you have no idea where to turn next.

Instead of looking outside yourself for help, trying looking inward, says change-management consultant Morris Shechtman, author of the new book Fifth Wave Leadership: The Internal Frontier (Facts on Demand Press, January 2003, ISBN: 1-889150-38-X, $19.95). The truth is, your success as a leader has much more to do with your level of self-awareness than with how many degrees you’ve accumulated and how many programs you’ve completed.

“We all tend to repeat the same patterns over and over,” says Shechtman. “That’s because we are all subject to our familiars, which are strong and persistent collections of attitudes rooted in childhood that cause us to act in certain predictable ways. It’s very difficult to change your leadership patterns if you don’t understand this basic truth. Furthermore, the familiars that commonly manifest in the workplace can make it seem as though unproductive leadership behaviors are ‘normal’—an illusion that helps keep you mired in the same problems throughout your career.”

“To make matters worse, the information- and technology-rich era we live in makes it harder than ever to be a leader,” he adds. “You have to be able to navigate a tremendously sophisticated maze of business possibilities and inspire and motivate people on a deeply personal level. The two most critical skills in today’s world are making good decisions and building strong relationships. And that’s why it’s more important than ever to understand the behavior patterns that keep you from doing so.”

Certainly, the emotional baggage that’s weighing you down and keeping you from reaching your full leadership potential is varied and complex, and requires stringent internal exploration to identify. But Shechtman says he sees many of his clients and colleagues struggling with the same basic leadership problems, and examining them may yield insights you can apply to your own life and career. Here are some of the most common reasons you may be failing as a leader:

• You live by the theory of scarcity rather than the theory of plenty. The theory of scarcity holds that there are very limited resources out there to meet your needs and you must therefore accept any opportunity that comes your way. The theory of plenty says that there are infinite resources available to you, and you can pick and choose opportunities that mesh with your values and that ultimately benefit you. Believe it or not, you learned one of these mindsets before you were five years old—and it is still driving the decisions you make in your life and career!
If you subscribe to the theory of scarcity, you have a sense of desperation about every business decision you make. You may take on clients that undermine your company. You may hire and keep toxic employees. You may become trapped in fragmentation (because there’s no discernable focus to your business) and isolation (because you are too afraid to collaborate with people who might “steal” your business).
On the other hand, if you live by the theory of plenty, you turn down business that isn’t right for you. You hire the right kinds of people and fire those that are harming your company. You make focused, discriminating business choices based on your values and vision. You collaborate freely, thus expanding your network and leading more people to see you as a resource. If you lose a client, so what? You know a better one will come along. It’s easy to see how this mindset makes you a better leader.

• You avoid and discourage conflict. Do you think that conflict is somehow “bad” for yourself and your company? It’s not. Indeed, managing conflict is the very foundation of leadership. That’s because there is no growth without challenge, and there’s no challenge without conflict. A good leader must confront his employees on their negative behaviors and attitudes. Sure, it’s painful (for you and for them), but if you just tell people what they want to hear, you perpetuate relationships that are comfortable but ultimately superficial and pointless. And you give them the false impression that they are competent at doing what they’re actually incompetent at doing. And in the process you lose all credibility as a leader.
Many people believe that teamwork means everyone agrees, supports each other and gets along. Nothing could be further from the truth! Effective teams are made up of people who care enough about each other to generate conflict and confront the tough issues. If everyone agrees with their teammates without question, what usually happens is the whole team marches down the rosy path to self-destruction. It’s business suicide! So if you discourage conflict between your employees, not only are you an ineffective leader but soon there may not be a company left for you to lead.

• You refuse to get involved in employees’ personal lives. Consider this truth: all business is personal. In our integrated, information-intensive culture, it’s difficult to live compartmentalized lives. There is no longer a firewall between personal and professional; we now live “blended” lives marked by a sense of fluidity. You as a leader already take work home and chances are so do your employees. So why is it so difficult to accept the converse, that employees’ personal lives come to work with them? The reality is that the personal issues your employees deal with (or don’t) do affect their work — and therefore it is appropriate for leaders to address these issues.
Here is an example. Suppose that you have a valuable employee who is involved in an abusive, dysfunctional relationship. You know about this, but figure that it’s a personal issue and none of your business, so you don’t broach the subject with her. Then one weekend she finally decides she’s had enough, so she flees the scene—just packs her bags and leaves town. Because no one was there to help her, she ends up leaving the company in a terrible bind. Good leaders realize that people’s un-dealt-with issues, whether they manifest at home or at the office, are the company’s greatest risk . . . and they work to eliminate that risk.

• You intervene too early in people’s struggles. One of the worst things you can do in business—as well as in society in general—is to intervene too early in the struggles people face. As soon as you do so you take responsibility for their lives, and they never discover how rich a resource base they possess. Your employees must find the path that works for them. If you take over they will know what works for you, but not necessarily what works for them. Struggle is empowering and there is dignity in it.
As a leader you need to understand that struggling with their issues is how people get clear on what they believe. Their knowledge comes from their feelings and you can’t teach feelings, people simply have to experience them. So if you just give employees the “right answer,” you circumvent this feeling process. And if you intervene too early it’s probably because of your own pain—it’s painful for you to watch them struggle. It’s similar to “tough love.” And it’s the only way they will ever grow and develop.

• You’re charismatic. If you’re the kind of leader that other people tend to put up on a pedestal and turn to for all the answers, you may be crippling your company. That’s because charismatic people remove responsibility from everybody else and convince them that they can’t do anything on their own behalf. And what happens is that your employees are so mesmerized by you that they come to see themselves as followers—not as future leaders. Your company fails to grow and develop people to take over after you leave. And succession management is one of a leader’s prime responsibilities.
In a sustainable organization, the leader is not charismatic but the culture is.
A charismatic culture has a clear value system that constantly lets people know where they stand. It’s full of opportunities for professional and personal growth. The fact is, people want to make an impact on the culture that they live and work in. If everything they do is for someone else, they will always have a sense of dissatisfaction about their own roles. Charismatic cultures give people a sense of meaning in their lives. When they act on their own behalf they make a greater contribution and have a greater investment
in the organization.

• You’re moody. There are few guarantees in a global, information driven economy. The world we live and work in is unpredictable and has become even more so since September 11. Therefore, the last thing employees want is an emotionally unpredictable (i.e., “moody”) leader. They will gravitate toward a leader who possesses an emotional core that doesn’t vary. This does not mean they want an emotionally neutral “robot.” Rather, they want is a leader whose reaction is consistent with certain events. Specifically, that means someone who reacts negatively to anything that goes against company values and positively to anything that is in line with company values. (See why it’s so important to clearly define those values?)

If you’re wondering why emotion needs to enter into the equation at all, the answer is simple: people respond to feelings, not thoughts. If you mobilize people’s feelings they will contribute to a very strong culture. If you merely mobilize their thoughts, they will hold back their “gut reaction” and fail to give you full investment. People vote with their feelings. If it doesn’t feel right, they won’t do it. And if they don’t believe that you are driven by your feelings, they won’t follow you.

Did you recognize yourself in any of these examples? If so, don’t be discouraged. Knowing the enemy is the first step toward defeating it.

“Once you’re aware of what’s holding you back, you can change your self-destructive patterns,” Shechtman concludes. “You can drill down and examine the long-buried demons that are keeping you from optimal performance in your leadership role. Eventually, you’ll be able to diminish the power of your old familiars and create healthy new ones. And once your self-imposed road blocks have been demolished, you’ll be on your way to leadership excellence and, ultimately, a more meaningful and fulfilling life.”

75 Surprising Truths On Thriving In Today’s Workplace

2010-09-08T08:36:00.000-07:00

In an era where information travels and technology spreads almost instantaneously, success requires that we look inside ourselves for solutions to our work-related problems. Morris Shechtman, author of Fifth Wave Leadership: The Internal Frontier offers the following pithy insights on change, growth, conflict and thriving in the 21st century workplace:

1. Teamwork Is A Result Of Conflict And Confrontation, Not Consensus And Agreement

2. Feedback Is Constructive When Its Goal Is To Give People Information That Helps Them Learn, Grow, And Change

3. In The Absence Of Feedback, People Will Always Assume The Worst

4. Leadership Can Be Defined As An Exercise In Continual Disappointment

5. Great Risk Goes With Great Opportunity—You Can’t Have The One Without The Other

6. Uncertainty Requires You To Identify Your Values

7. Nothing Will Lower Your Credibility Faster Than Avoiding Conflict

8. You’ll Never Maximize Your Opportunities Unless You’re Willing To Put Everything At Risk

9. Clarity Creates Advocates And Enemies

10. There Are Only Two Types Of Professionals: Trusted Advisors And Vendors. The Former Determines The Fate Of The Latter

11. If You Can’t Set Boundaries, You’ll Get Commoditized

12. Challenge Is A Test Of Your Ability To Engage And Invest In A Relationship

13. People Want Reciprocity And Responsiveness More Than Answers

14. All Change Is Loss—It Doesn’t Matter Whether It’s “Good” Change Or “Bad” Change

15. Your People Are Your Greatest Asset And Your Greatest Risk

16. Information Inevitably Creates More Conflict

17. Leadership Is A Perpetual Exercise In Managing Conflict

18. Sustainable Organizations Have Charismatic Cultures, Not Charismatic Leaders

19. Any Relationship Worth Having Is Worth Leaving

20. Desperation Always Creates Abuse And Abandonment

21. The Easier You Are To Read, The Better You’re Able To Lead

22. Don’t Expect People To Grow Without Feedback

23. Feedback Is Truly The Gift That Keeps Giving

24. The Quality Of Your Life Will Be Determined More By How You Say Good-Bye, Than By How You Say Hello

25. Risking Early Has The Greatest Likelihood Of Creating Quick Credibility

26. Time Spent Together Is One Of The Poorest Indicators Of Intimacy Achieved

27. Intimacy Is Impossible To Achieve Without A Commitment To Engage In Self-Disclosure And Conflict

28. The Two Key Skills In Life Are The Ability To Make Decisions And The Ability To Build Relationships. Everything Else Is A Distant Second

29. If You’re Not Judgmental, You Don’t Really Care

30. Unconditional Acceptance Is Simply A Slick Form Of Abandonment

31. Goals Are Where You’re Going. Values Are How You’re Going To Get There

32. We lead Our Lives Based On One Of Two Theories: The Theory Of Plenty, Or The Theory Of Scarcity. We Learn One Of These Well Before We’re Five

33. The Theory Of Plenty Allows You To Be Selective, Focused, And Collaborative

34. The Theory Of Scarcity Traps You In Desperation, Fragmentation, And Isolation

35. Affluent People View Relationships As An Investment In Life; Rich People View Relationships As A Drain On Their Resources

36. No Emotion Will Enhance Your Success More Than Anger

37. Anger Is The Outward Manifestation Of Disappointment. Disappointment Is The Gap Between What You Have And What You Want

38. Harnessing Your Anger Gives You The Ability To Act In Your Own Behalf

39. Mediocrity Is The Choice To Live With Disappointment

40. All Relationships, At Some Point, Are Disappointing

41. Disappointment Is The Catalyst For The Next Stage Of Growth

42. All Business Is Personal

43. There Are No Business Problems—There Are Only Personal Issues Which Get Manifested At Work

44. People Don’t Suddenly Forget How To Do Their Jobs. Undealt With Personal Issues Cost People Their Jobs

45. Caretaking People Breeds The Need For Revenge

46. The Best Leaders Have The Most Uncompromising Values And Beliefs

47. Mediocrity Is A Buffer Against Loss

48. Relationships Don’t Have Problems, People Do

49. Addictions Are A Replacement For Conflict

50. Successful People Use Feedback Immediately

51. People Don’t Resist Change, they Resist Loss

52. Personal Growth Is The Key To Retention

53. One-Way Relationships Disable The Recipient

54. Loyalty Should Be Based On Mutual Growth

55. Professionals Don’t Compromise Their Recommendations

56. The Most Difficult Risk To Take Is To Overcome Your History

57. If They Aren’t Causing Your Problems, Then The Only One Left Is You

58. If You Want To Change, Then You’ll Have To Do Things That Scare You

59. Growth Isn’t About More; It’s About New

60. The Pain And Discomfort Of Change Are Nothing Compared To The Alternative

61. In A Survival Organization, Disappointment Is Cataclysmic; In A Growth Organization, Disappointment Is A New Beginning

62. In Today’s World, If You Do What You’ve Always Done, You’ll Get Less Than You’ve Always Gotten

63. It’s Comforting To Believe That Success Is Just Something That Happens To The Lucky Few. If We Believe This, Then We Don’t Have To Deal With The Painful Realities Of Why We’re Not Among Them

64. We Gravitate Toward Leaders Who Possess An Emotional Core That Doesn’t Vary

65. Many People Make The Mistake Of Equating Caring With Comfort

66. In Relationships, We Get Just What We Bargained For. We Choose Partners Or Colleagues Who Reinforce Our Familiars And Then We Mistake That Comfortable Feeling Of The Familiar; For Intimacy Or A Productive Work Relationship

67. When We Reach Adulthood, We Lose The Right To Keep Waiting For Someone To Change Our Life

68. What Stops People In Their Careers Is Not That They’ve Gone As Far As They Can Go, But That They’ve Gone As Far As Their Familiars Will Allow

69. Any Organization With The Goal Of Never Letting Anyone Down Is Doomed To Failure

70. Speaking The Unspoken Truth—Making The Covert Overt—Can Be Liberating

71. The Familiar Causes Us To Misperceive A Comfortable Job As A Growth-Oriented One: It Makes Us Mistake A Terrific Opportunity As “Wrong For Us” Because It Makes Us Uncomfortable

72. Personal Transformations Produce Extraordinary Influence And Attraction

73. It Is Empowering To Give People The Dignity Of Their Struggles

74. You Don’t Always Get Your Way, But You Always Get Your Say

75. If You Can’t Grieve, You Can’t Grow

Your Employees And Your Bottom Line: Getting The Most Return

2010-08-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

It’s more important than ever to get maximum return from your employees. Change-management expert Morris Shechtman tells you how . . .
and it has little to do with increasing salaries.

They say that time is money. And while that old adage still rings true, in today’s business environment it might be more accurate to say that people are money, or rather, that the time and resources put into recruiting and training your employees takes money. And don’t forget that there is a direct correlation between employee productivity and your organization’s bottom line. So how do you get the best return possible on the investment you make in your workforce?

According to Morris Shechtman, change management expert and author of the new book, Fifth Wave Leadership: The Internal Frontier (Facts on Demand Press, 2003, ISBN: 1-889150-38-X, $19.95), you need to focus on internal issues and develop the workforce you have. Just because the current state of the economy means that more people are looking for work doesn’t mean that they are the right people for your company. Instead of viewing employees as expendable, Shechtman insists that you should be deliberately creating an environment where they can thrive.

“Employee retention is still a very big issue,” says Shechtman. “It always will be, regardless of the state of the economy. After all, the key to long-term growth and productivity is a workforce that’s familiar with your company and in sync with your business goals. Your workplace should excite and motivate your employees, so they’ll want to stay around. And that means creating an environment that challenges people and helps them grow not just as employees, but as people,” he adds.

"Most employees if given the choice between a nominal raise and a great work environment, will choose the latter. After all, so much of our lives are spent at our jobs. And making the job site an emotionally challenging and motivating environment is key to retention and productivity.”

This theme—fostering what Shechtman refers to as “self-information”—is thoroughly explored in Fifth Wave Leadership. It essentially means that people want their jobs to teach them about themselves, to provide valuable information that not only makes them more marketable in today’s marketplace, but that also helps them become better spouses, better friends, better people.

So how do you foster a growth-oriented workplace? Shechtman offers the following insights and tips:

• Forget monetary incentives: focus on relationships. Fat salaries and bonuses, more vacation time, and other such perks will not increase employee loyalty. All they do is create a bigger sense of entitlement. They tend to tie people to your company in the same manner that one trains a dog to stay in the yard—until that is, the company across the street offers a bigger, juicier bone. But creating a culture in which better relationships are valued gives employees a more profound and rewarding reason to come to work every day. Only through relationships can people change and grow . . . and personal growth is a requirement for survival in our increasingly complex world.

• Help your employees find their familiars. What is a familiar? Simply put, it’s a feeling state we return to again and again. It is an emotional pattern that holds tremendous power over our choices, our relationships and our careers. Rooted in our families and our upbringing, the familiar is a feeling that we unconsciously reproduce, sometimes to our benefit, but often to our detriment.

For instance, the eldest child of a large family might have grown up having to subrogate her needs for the needs of the younger children. Perhaps she was told she was selfish for asking for things for herself. It is no mystery that as an adult she is frustrated at work and has trouble communicating her needs to her boss. Her familiar—the feeling that she doesn’t really deserve to ask for anything—is reproduced in her work environment, where she is unable to assert herself.

You can help your employees tremendously by learning about familiars and encouraging your employees to identify—and subsequently diminish—their own.

• Question employees relentlessly. A big part of creating a growth-oriented workplace is to constantly question your employees. “Did you notice what you did there?” “Why do you think you said that?” “I noticed that when your position was challenged in the meeting, you didn’t defend it—why do you think you backed down?” Creating a “question culture” will help employees ferret out their familiars. It will raise performance expectations throughout the company. It will train employees to think carefully about how they do their jobs and ensure that they have sound reasons for every decision they make.

• Encourage conflict and confrontation. Yes, you read that right. The purpose of the workplace is not to make everyone happy—it is to grow people to their maximum potential. As Shechtman writes: “The enormous popularity of consensus decision-making/negotiation, participatory management, and self-directed work teams is a sign of the times that is validating our unhealthy quest for comfort above all.”
Conflict and confrontation are rarely pleasant, but they are the very definition of teamwork. They are also necessary to growth relationships.

• Provide honest, caring feedback. You should constantly tell your employees how they are coming across, or how they are doing. It goes without saying that sometimes this feedback will be negative in nature. Honest feedback can be painful for both parties, but it is the backbone of a growth organization. A relationship without honest feedback is what Shechtman calls a “mutual toleration society.” He maintains that unconditional acceptance—in both personal and professional relationships—is a form of abandonment, robbing the other party of the most important catalysts for growth and change. (Hence the reason the feedback is labeled “caring.”)

• Practice the art of self-disclosure. Of course, feedback cuts both ways. You want your employees to provide it to you as well. One way to do so is through self-disclosure. If you want to turn a stagnant employee relationship into a growth-oriented one—or start a new relationship out on the right foot—share your feelings first. This is a big risk because you don’t know how the other person will respond; you must be prepared to deal with any type of reaction you receive. But it’s a risk worth taking because you can learn a lot from your employees. Self-disclose often and you teach by example the kind of relationships you expect to flourish in your company.

• Form an accountability group. Many people fear receiving or giving feedback; they don’t want to show others a weakness or make someone else uncomfortable. Put them in the right setting, however, and they may be willing to provide others with clear and compelling feedback. Accountability groups are one way to foster such feedback. In these groups, people give and receive feedback, create action plans based on that feedback, and hold group members accountable for implementing their plans.

“I have found accountability groups to be amazingly effective in helping clients overcome their debilitating work and personal problems,” says Shechtman, who writes at length about these groups in his book. “Done correctly, they really can lead individuals and organizations to transform themselves from the inside out.”

It’s worth adding that the actions detailed above are almost certain to increase your company’s productivity. After all, people who are personally and professionally fulfilled are better employees. This alone is enough reason to foster a growth-oriented workplace, especially given our current economy. But the big reason has more to do with tomorrow than today.

“Creating a work environment rich with opportunities for self-discovery is an investment in the future of your company,” Shechtman concludes. “It’s seldom an easy journey, but it’s one you must undertake if you want to attract and retain talented employees. Begin it now, and when the economy rebounds, your employees won’t leave you for greener pastures. Why would they? Your company will be meeting needs far more important and compelling than a biweekly paycheck.”

A Place To Grow: What Motivates Today’s Employees

2010-07-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

It’s more important than ever to keep your workforce happy. Change-management expert Morris Shechtman tells you how . . . and it has little to do with money.

Right now, making your workplace attractive to employees is probably the last thing on your mind. If there’s any positive to our weak economy, it’s that dozens (if not hundreds) of job candidates are lined up outside your door. So if one of your employees wants to leave, let him. There are plenty of people ready and willing to take his place. Worrying about what motivates and inspires your employees should be the least of your concerns. Right?

Absolutely wrong, says change-management consultant Morris Shechtman, author of the new book Fifth Wave Leadership: The Internal Frontier (Facts on Demand Press, 2003, ISBN: 1-889150-38-X, $19.95). He contends that quantity does not equal quality. The fact that plenty of people are looking for work doesn’t mean they are the right people for your company. That’s why it’s imperative not to view your employees as expendable—in fact, you should be deliberately creating an environment where they can thrive.

“Employee retention is still a very big issue,” says Shechtman. “It always will be, regardless of the state of the economy. After all, the key to long-term growth and productivity is a workforce that’s familiar with your company and in sync with your business goals. Your workplace should excite and motivate your employees, so they’ll want to stay around. And that means creating an environment that challenges people and helps them grow not just as employees, but as people.”

This theme—fostering what Shechtman refers to as “self-information—is thoroughly explored in Fifth Wave Leadership. It essentially means that people want their jobs to teach them about themselves, to provide valuable information that not only makes them more marketable in today’s marketplace, but that also helps them become better spouses, better friends, better people.

So how do you foster a growth-oriented workplace? Shechtman offers the following insights and tips:

• Forget monetary incentives: focus on relationships. Fat salaries and bonuses, more vacation time, and other such perks will not increase employee loyalty. They tend to tie people to your company in the same manner that one trains a dog to stay in the yard—until that is, the company across the street offers a bigger, juicier bone. But creating a culture in which better relationships are valued gives employees a more profound and rewarding reason to come to work every day. Only through relationships can people change and grow . . . and personal growth is a requirement for survival in our increasingly complex world.

• Help your employees find their familiars. What is a familiar? Simply put, it’s a feeling state we return to again and again. It is an emotional pattern that holds tremendous power over our choices, our relationships and our careers. Rooted in our families and our upbringing, the familiar is a feeling that we unconsciously reproduce, sometimes to our benefit, but often to our detriment.

For instance, the eldest child of a large family might have grown up having to subrogate her needs for the needs of the younger children. Perhaps she was told she was selfish for asking for things for herself. It is no mystery that as an adult she is frustrated at work and has trouble communicating her needs to her boss. Her familiar—the feeling that she doesn’t really deserve to ask for anything—is reproduced in her work environment, where she is unable to assert herself.

You can help your employees tremendously by learning about familiars and encouraging your employees to identify—and subsequently diminish—their own.

• Question employees relentlessly. A big part of creating a growth-oriented workplace is to constantly question your employees. “Did you notice what you did there?” “Why do you think you said that?” “I noticed that when your position was challenged in the meeting, you didn’t defend it—why do you think you backed down?” Creating a “question culture” will help employees ferret out their familiars. It will raise performance expectations throughout the company. It will train employees to think carefully about how they do their jobs and ensure that they have sound reasons for every decision they make.

• Encourage conflict and confrontation. Yes, you read that right. The purpose of the workplace is not to make everyone happy, although many companies try to achieve that goal. As Shechtman writes: “The enormous popularity of consensus decision-making/negotiation, participatory management, and self-directed work teams is a sign of the times that is validating our unhealthy quest for comfort above all.”

Conflict and confrontation are rarely pleasant, but they are the very definition of teamwork. They are also necessary to growth relationships. Let your employees know that you expect them to speak up not when they disagree on a work-related issue, but also to call them on negative behaviors and attitudes. Which brings us to our next point . . .

• Provide honest, caring feedback. You should constantly tell your employees how they are coming across, or how they are doing. It goes without saying that sometimes this feedback will be negative in nature. Honest feedback can be painful for both parties, but it is the backbone of a growth relationship. A relationship without honest feedback is what Shechtman calls a “mutual toleration society.” He maintains that unconditional acceptance—in both personal and professional relationships—is a form of abandonment, robbing the other party of the most important catalysts for growth and change. (Hence the reason the feedback is labeled “caring.”)

• Practice the art of self-disclosure. Of course, feedback cuts both ways. You want your employees to provide it to you as well. One way to do so is through self-disclosure. If you want to turn a stagnant employee relationship into a growth-oriented one—or start a new relationship out on the right foot—share your feelings first. This is a big risk because you don’t know how the other person will respond; you must be prepared to deal with any type of reaction you receive. But it’s a risk worth taking because you can learn a lot from your employees. Self-disclose often and you teach by example the kind of relationships you expect to flourish in your company.

• Form an accountability group. Many people fear receiving or giving feedback; they don’t want to show others a weakness or make someone else uncomfortable. Put them in the right setting, however, and they may be willing to provide others with clear and compelling feedback. Accountability groups are one way to foster such feedback. In these groups, people give and receive feedback, create action plans based on that feedback, and hold group members accountable for implementing their plans.

“I have found accountability groups to be amazingly effective in helping clients overcome their debilitating work and personal problems,” says Shechtman, who writes at length about these groups in his book. “Done correctly, they really can lead individuals and organizations to transform themselves from the inside out.”

It’s worth adding that the actions detailed above are almost certain to increase your company’s productivity. After all, people who are personally and professionally fulfilled are better employees. This alone is enough reason to foster a growth-oriented workplace, especially given our current economy. But the big reason has more to do with tomorrow than today.

“Creating a work environment rich with opportunities for self-discovery is an investment in the future of your company,” Shechtman concludes. “It’s seldom an easy journey, but it’s one you must undertake if you want to attract and retain talented employees. Begin it now, and when the economy rebounds, your employees won’t leave you for greener pastures. Why would they? Your company will be meeting needs far more important and compelling than a biweekly paycheck.”

Recognizing The Blockers That Hold You Back

2010-06-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

Why is it so difficult to leave our old, unhealthy familiars behind and simply exchange them for new and empowering ones? After all, you’ve hit that “eureka!” point and now can recognize how you recreate emotional patterns from childhood and understand how these patterns impact your business and your career. So why isn’t anything changing? It is because replacing those old familiars is difficult as long as you are held hostage by blockers.

Most people, if asked to identify the blockers that are holding them back, will offer a laundry list of elements outside their immediate control: lack of education, the need to find a new employer, problems with crazy bosses, etc. In reality, these challenges that seem outside your control are not responsible for your discontent. These are false blockers. The real blockers that impact most people are contrast places and symbols.

"Contrast Places"

At first, it can be a bit difficult to recognize a contrast place. Put simply, you are in a contrast place when you receive a positive payoff for behavior in the present that you received a negative payoff for in the past.

Here is an example:

'A CEO recognizes that his overreactions and verbal tongue-lashings of employees are counterproductive. But he seems incapable of changing his behavior. As a child his successes were met with severe criticism for what he didn’t do, rather than praise and acknowledgement for what he did do. Now, as an incredibly successful CEO, he often receives kudos for his achievements. But when this happens, he sometimes reacts by alienating and offending those who compliment him on his success. It’s better to leave a trail of offended and angry employees than to face the fact that even though his employees appreciate him, his parents never did.'

"Symbols"

Symbols can be seen as emotional clones from our past. They are people in our lives today who elicit the same feelings as people who were important to us growing up. Typically, CEOs and other strong leaders are symbols for demanding, intrusive parents.

For example:

'A young executive feels that her goals have been set unrealistically high, and she needs to talk to her boss about resetting these goals. The young executive is reticent to ask her boss to set more realistic goals because her boss is a symbol for her father. If she were to ask her father to rethink these goals, he would have responded, “You contracted for these goals. Do it! No more discussion!” She expects her boss to leave her feeling as diminished and worthless as she felt as a child.'

Blockers can stymie anyone. The first step is becoming aware of their existence, and distinguishing real blockers – contrast places and symbols – from false blockers. The second step is to clear them out of the way with some of the essential tools of the Internal Frontier Process. In our next issue of "Fifth Wave eNewsletter," we will explore the tools to removing the blockers that hold you back from reaching your potential.

What Type Of Professional Are You?

2010-05-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

As we discussed in the last issue of Fifth Wave eNewsletter, in order to prosper in the Fifth Wave, professionals and executives are going to have to examine the feelings that are triggered by situations in the workplace to become aware of their familiars. These are the emotional patterns that are rooted in our families that may be keeping us from meeting our professional potential. As we reproduce these familiars, we often assume certain prototypical roles in the workplace. Becoming stuck in one of these roles adds to work dissatisfaction and thwarts any efforts to change.

The following are four typical roles that emanate from recreating our familiars:

"The Fixer"
Sometimes called “troubleshooters,” fixers are likely to be amiable “people persons” who are given the really tough assignments that nobody else wants. They may be asked to do the impossible – manage the truly difficult client or work with a particularly problematic manager. Because they will readily jump to the challenge and rarely say “no,” fixers are often plagued with feelings of resentment for having to clean up other people’s messes. These feelings are based in their familiars. Chances are pretty good that fixers played a similar role in their families of origin. Perhaps the fixer was always trying to be exceptionally good to make up for a deadbeat Dad or a sibling who was always in trouble. After all, if they can meet unreasonable expectations, then maybe Dad or the underachieving brother won’t look so bad. Unless they identify the familiars and take affirmative steps to replace them, fixers will end up in a career holding pattern, always feeling that they try and try and get no reward for their efforts.

"The Avoider"
Avoiders have difficulty confronting others, especially employees or coworkers. They develop rationales and excuses for why what was promised wasn’t delivered and believe themselves to be responsible for the happiness of others. Avoiders can’t tolerate hurting someone’s feelings. Often small business owners or entrepreneurs, avoiders may take huge financial risks, such as mortgaging their house to finance a business endeavor, but won’t take the emotional risk of confronting a lazy clerk – even if it costs them their business. It is likely that the avoider grew up in a family where obvious problems were treated like state secrets. Uncle Herman was an addictive gambler; cousin Ralphie was a bit slow on the uptake; but if the avoider pointed out the obvious, he was made to feel bad about himself. The avoider recreates this familiar in his professional life and the result is often self-sabotage.

"The Bully"
The bully’s behavior is easy to identify. Bullies surround themselves with people who are going to fall short so they have an outlet for their tirades and tantrums. It is easy to think that the bully probably came from an abusive home environment, but just the opposite is likely to be true. Often bullies come from affluent indulgent families where they were never encouraged to share any meaningful feelings and never learned to connect with others in a meaningful way. Their familiar is rooted in abandonment, disappointment and isolation, and bullies will recreate this familiar in the workplace. They will push people to their limit and ultimately the people they bully will quit, thereby abandoning and disappointing them.

"The Schmoozer"
Schmoozers create the illusion of relationships, but their aversion to risk-taking means they never really establish any meaningful connections. They keep relationships on a superficial level to avoid the risk of being hurt. A shmoozer will always tell you that things are great, even if something awful has happened. Typically, schmoozers grew up with a depressed person in their family. It is likely that they were criticized or ridiculed when things did not go perfectly. If they admit that things are not really so great, if they share with others feelings of sadness or anxiety, they risk losing the familiar of feeling like a long-suffering victim. They end up right back with that depressed person in their family who wouldn’t let them have a moment of happiness. In the workplace, schmoozers recreate this familiar. They hold back seeking help when they need it or confronting legitimate job complaints and end up being chastised, fired, or quitting out of frustration.

While no one fits every aspect of one of the prototypes to a “T,” chances are you fall more closely within the aspects of one than another. Once you identify your type, don’t stop there. It is essential that you explore your internal frontier by identifying the feelings and past experiences that produce the behavior. In the coming months we will examine ways to remove blockers that hold us back and strategies to render those old familiars powerless.